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If you’ve ever visited France and wondered why someone looked annoyed before you’d even finished asking a question, there’s a chance it wasn’t your French skills but your etiquette.
Like every country, France has its own unwritten social rules, which mostly comes down to respect and consideration for the people around you. Once you understand the basics, day-to-day interactions become much much easier.
The French have long influenced ideas of civility and good manners. In 1595, the Jesuits at the Jesuit College of La Flèche wrote a code of conduct called Bienséance de la conversation entre les hommes (“Decorum in Conversations”).
It became part of their educational system before eventually being translated into English around 1640, helping spread French ideas of etiquette throughout Europe.
Today, that same appreciation for savoir-vivre (literally “knowing how to live”) still shapes everyday life in France.
I really got a taste of French manners when I visited my French boyfriend’s grandfather. Every visit felt noticeably more formal than what I was used to growing up in the United States. We always greeted each other with la bise, we dined properly around the table.
In the beginning, I was very careful not to tutoyer (use the informal version of “you” in French), and then eventually when our relationship became closer, I had to get used to doing the exact opposite and stop using vous. Just one of the struggles of speaking French!
I worried a lot about making mistakes like this in the beginning, but over time, I started to pick up on the French social norms. Now, I’m very comfortable interacting with people in France, whether it’s at the supermarket, a networking event, or a dinner party. And if I can do it, you can too.
So, if you’re trying to mind your manners in France, here are 15 French etiquette rules you’ll want to know.
French Etiquette Rules
1. Always Say Bonjour
Every interaction in France begins with bonjour (good day) or bonsoir (good evening). Whether you’re walking into a bakery, asking for directions, or approaching a cashier, greeting the other person first is expected.
One of the biggest mistakes foreigners make is jumping straight into a comment or question. In many English-speaking countries, saying “Excuse me, where’s the train station?” feels perfectly polite. In France, this comes off as rude.
Forget to add a “hello” in there, and you might be met with a long, cold look. I still make this mistake from time to time, and I can immediately feel the difference in the interaction. I’ve even been completely ignored before!
2. Employ Polite Expressions
Good manners are important everywhere, including in France. A few phrases you’ll want to know are: s’il vous plaît (please), merci (thank you), excusez-moi (excuse me), and either je vous en prie or de rien (you’re welcome).
One thing that surprised me when I first moved to France was how politeness is expressed differently than it is in English. In the U.S., we often soften requests with phrases like, “Could I please have a coffee?” or “Would it be possible to…?” In French, people tend to be much more direct. You might simply say, Un café, s’il vous plaît (“A coffee, please.”) or Je voudrais un café, s’il vous plaît (“I would like a coffee, please.”).
If you translated that word for word into English, it might sound a little abrupt. But in French, it’s perfectly polite.
The same goes for facial expressions. Customer service in France is generally more reserved than it is in the United States. Don’t expect everyone to greet you with a huge smile or enthusiastic small talk. That doesn’t mean they’re being rude. As long as people are respectful and use polite language, the interaction is considered perfectly friendly.
3. It’s Vous Until They Say So
French has two ways to say “you.” Tu is the informal form, used with close friends, family members, children, and people you know well. Vous, on the other hand, is the formal form and is used to show respect, especially with strangers, older adults, professionals, and anyone you don’t know personally.
When meeting someone for the first time, speaking with someone older than you, interacting with professionals, or talking to someone in a service role, always default to vous. It’s the safest and most polite choice.
As relationships become more familiar, someone may eventually say, On peut se tutoyer (“We can use tu.”). In many cases, the older person or the one in the more senior position will be the one to suggest making the switch.
I remember this being one of the hardest etiquette rules to get used to after moving to France. In English, we only have one word for “you,” so it’s very easy to slip up. I still accidentally tutoie someone from time to time. If it happens, don’t panic. Just apologize and switch back to vous. Most French people will be understanding. And sometimes it ends up being the perfect way to start to tutoyer with the other person!
4. Use Proper Titles
When addressing someone you don’t know well, it’s polite to use Madame or Monsieur. This applies to older adults, shopkeepers, service providers, and anyone you’re meeting in a professional setting. If someone has a professional title, such as Docteur or Professeur, it’s also appropriate to use it.
Unlike in the States, where people often introduce themselves by their first name right away, France tends to start with a little more formality. First names are usually reserved for friends, family, colleagues you’ve gotten to know, or people who have invited you to use them.
In reality, many French people will quickly tell you to call them by their first name. But it’s generally considered more polite to let them make that invitation rather than assuming you’re already on a first-name basis.
The same applies to written communication. Whether you’re writing an email, text message or letter, it’s customary to begin with Madame or Monsieur and keep the tone formal. If the relationship becomes more familiar, they’ll often signal that it’s fine to switch to first names.
5. Kiss on the Cheek
When greeting each other or saying goodbye, French people often exchange kisses on the cheek. This tradition is known as la bise and is very common in France.
If you’re not used to it, it can feel intimidating at first. How many kisses? One? Two? Three? Well, it sort of depends. The number varies by region, although two kisses are the most universal.
And not everyone greets the same way either. Close friends and family often exchange la bise, while colleagues, new acquaintances, or people in professional settings may simply shake hands. When unsure, follow the other person’s lead. If they lean in, lean in. If they offer a handshake instead, that’s perfectly normal too.
Kissing on the cheek never includes a hug, unless you’re greeting a close family member or friend. The French are generally not fans of the American-style hugging. I always found this funny because, as an American, I associate hugs with being more casual, while kissing someone on the cheek feels much more intimate. In France, it’s the opposite.
It’s also worth knowing that you aren’t actually kissing the other person’s cheek. Instead, you lightly touch cheeks and make a kissing sound in the air. The first few times can feel awkward, but it eventually becomes second nature. Although I will admit I’m still not a fan of la bise!
In social settings, it’s customary to greet everyone individually. That means going around the room, acknowledging each person with la bise or a handshake, depending on the situation. If you’re at a dinner party or family gathering, don’t be surprised if this takes several minutes (if only the Irish goodbye was acceptable).
6. Be Punctual
The French may have a reputation for being fashionable, but being fashionably late isn’t as chic. Whether it’s work, appointments, meetings, or dinner reservations, arriving on time is generally seen as a sign of respect in France. And if you are running late, it’s considered polite to send a quick message or call to let the other person know.
There is one notable exception: invitations to someone’s home. If you’re invited over for dinner or an apéro, arriving exactly on time can actually feel a little early. Showing up about five to ten minutes after the agreed time is often perfectly acceptable and it gives your host a few extra moments to finish prepping.
I’ve found that it also depends on the generation and the group of friends. Older generations will expect punctuality, but with younger friend groups, it’s not unusual for people to arrive 20 or even 30 minutes late to a party.
If you’re unsure, though, I’d always err on the side of being on time.
7. Dress to Impress
The French generally pay attention to their appearance. Dressing neatly is a sign of respect for yourself and the people you’re meeting.
One of the first things I noticed after moving to France was that people tended to dress a little more thoughtfully than they do in the U.S. That doesn’t mean everyone is walking around in heels or tailored suits. Far from it. I often describe the everyday look as more casual chic: well-fitting jeans, a button-down shirt or blouse, clean sneakers or loafers, and quality basics that can be mixed and matched.
It’s also very uncommon to wear athleisure in France. If you notice someone walking around in leggings and running shoes, they’re likely heading to or from the gym (or they’re possibly a tourist).
Of course, style also depends on where you are. In Paris and other larger cities, people often dress more fashionably than in smaller towns or rural areas.
If you want to fit in France, don’t feel like you need to completely reinvent your wardrobe. Just aim for clothes that are clean, fit well, and feel a little more polished than what you might normally throw on for a trip to the grocery store. And if you’re looking for inspiration, I’ve also written plenty of guides on French style that can help you build a wardrobe inspired by French women.
8. Choose Conversation Topics Wisely
The French love a good conversation. However, it is important to be respectful of others’ opinions and avoid sensitive topics like politics, religion or money in light conversations.
Of course, the French also love to discuss and debate, but these kinds of topics usually come up once people know each other better and the conversation naturally heads in that direction.
Stick to safe subjects like travel, food, culture, history, books and art. Some conversation starters that have always worked well for me include:
- Have you read any good books lately?
- Have you seen any interesting exhibitions recently?
- Are you traveling anywhere this summer?
- What’s your favorite place in France?
I’ve found that French people genuinely appreciate curiosity about their country too. Asking about French traditions, regional cuisine or customs almost always leads to an interesting conversation. They’re often proud of their culture and are usually happy to explain why things are done a certain way.
It’s also worth keeping up with French current events. You can check out my list of the best French newspapers in English to catch up on the latest news.
9. Don’t Overshare
Privacy is highly valued in France. Asking too many personal questions too soon (particularly about someone’s salary, family life, or even career) can come across as intrusive. It’s generally best to let these topics arise naturally as you get to know each other.
Small talk is also very different than it is in the U.S. The French are much less likely to strike up conversations with strangers in the grocery store or on the metro.
If you’ve lived in France, you might have noticed how difficult it can be to make friends here. Friendships take much more time to build than they do in the U.S. For this reason, don’t expect someone you’ve just met to call you a close friend or express strong affection right away.
The reward for this slower approach is that French friendships often become exceptionally meaningful. Once you’ve established trust, conversations can be remarkably open, thoughtful, and deeply personal.
10. Observe Table Manners
Food is an important part of French culture, so it’s no surprise that table manners are taken seriously. If you’re invited to someone’s home for a meal, here a few basic etiquette rules that will help you make a great impression:
- Don’t arrive exactly on time. For a dinner party at someone’s home, arriving 5–15 minutes late is generally considered polite. For a restaurant reservation or business meal, however, you should be punctual.
- Wait to start eating. Don’t begin until everyone has been served and your host says Bon appétit!
- Toast before drinking. It’s customary to trinquer (clink glasses) with everyone at the table before taking your first sip. Make eye contact as you say Santé !
- Serve others before yourself. If you’re pouring more wine or water, offer it to everyone else before refilling your own glass.
- Use your utensils. The French generally avoid eating with their hands whenever possible. Even foods like pizza, fries, or fruit are often eaten with a knife and fork in formal settings.
- Compliment the meal. Hosts take great pride in their cooking, so a sincere C’est délicieux !, Excellent !, or C’est vraiment très bon ! will always be appreciated.
- Wait before clearing the table. Don’t remove your plate or begin tidying up until everyone has finished eating.
- Offer to help clean up. Even if your host declines, offering to clear the table or help with the dishes is considered a thoughtful gesture.
For even more tips, check out my complete guide to French dining etiquette.
11. Offer Thoughtful Gifts
In France, arriving empty-handed when you’ve been invited into someone’s home is generally considered impolite. A small, thoughtful gesture shows appreciation for your host and is an important part of French social etiquette.
The type of gift you bring depends on the occasion, but here are my suggestions:
- For an apéritif. A small appetizer, nuts, chips, olives, or a bottle of wine are all appreciated. Whenever I’m invited to a French apéro, I’ll often bring a few things to share.
- For a casual dinner with close friends. Contribute to the meal with a starter or dessert from a local pâtisserie.
- For a more traditional dinner party. Even if your host tells you not to bring anything, most French people will still arrive with a small gesture, such as a box of chocolates, flowers, or a bottle of wine.
12. Speak French
If there is one thing you should do to integrate into French life, it’s learning the language. Speaking French (even imperfectly) is one of the most important ways to truly thrive in France.
I’ve noticed that people are treated completely differently simply because they make an effort to speak French. Even a simple “Bonjour”, “Merci”, or “Excusez-moi, vous parlez anglais ?” can drastically improve your interactions with the French. Most French people appreciate the effort, even if you eventually switch to English.
If you’re learning French, the best way to improve is through consistent exposure: watching French TV shows, reading French books, and having regular conversations will help you progress quickly.
13. Understand French Workplace Culture
The French workplace has its own set of social codes. Professionalism is highly valued in France. A respectful tone, thoughtful communication, and a certain level of formality (particularly with managers or people you’ve just met) are often important for building trust and credibility with French colleagues.
While hard work is admired, the French generally do not view constant availability or working excessively long hours as a sign of success. France places a strong emphasis on work-life balance, with the standard legal working week set at 35 hours.
Another important cultural distinction: dinner is usually not considered an extension of the office. Unlike in some countries where business conversations continue over meals, the French often see dinner as a social occasion, a time to enjoy good food, wine, and conversation. Unless your host brings up work, it is generally better to avoid turning a dinner invitation into a business meeting.
14. Master the Art of Leaving
In France, saying goodbye is just as important as saying hello. Unfortunately for introverts like myself, quietly slipping out of a gathering without anyone noticing is rarely an option.
When leaving someone’s home, you’ll typically thank your host, say goodbye to everyone individually, and often spend another five or ten minutes chatting before you actually leave. If la bise was part of the greeting when you arrived, you’ll usually do it again when saying goodbye.
The same rule applies to everyday interactions. When leaving a shop, restaurant, or any place where you’ve had an exchange with someone, it’s polite to say au revoir (“goodbye”) or bonne journée (“have a good day”).
15. Behave Respectfully in Public
In France, public spaces tend to be quieter than they are in the U.S. Definitely not silent, just less noisy. There is generally a greater emphasis on being discreet and considerate of those around you.
French people typically speak at moderate volumes on trains, in cafés, and in restaurants. Playing music aloud on public transportation is generally frowned upon. Loud conversations can quickly attract annoyed looks from fellow passengers.
On public transportation, basic courtesy goes a long way. It’s polite to give your seat to elderly people, pregnant women, or people with disabilities. Waiting in line is also respected. Don’t invade people’s personal space either.
A lot of this comes down to being aware of the people around you.
At the end of the day, French etiquette is less about getting every rule perfectly right and more about showing respect. Greet people. Be polite. Observe before acting when you’re unsure. I’ve found that most French people are surprisingly understanding when they see you’re making a genuine effort. The French are proud of their language and culture, and they’re often happy to explain how things work if you ask respectfully.
Discover More on French Living
- 10 French Lifestyle Books to Help You Live Like a True Parisian
- How to Embrace a French Lifestyle from Anywhere
- 10 French Sleep Habits for a Dreamy Night’s Rest
What do you think of these French etiquette rules? Are there any I missed? Let me know in the comments below.
